Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Don't Knwo what I'm Thinkin' but its Really Late

It is amazing how some small thing can wreck things forever.  It’s like rolling your car, but you can’t buy a new life.  You really don’t notice those moments until they are gone and even if you notice it a second later, it’s already gone and it’s too late to do anything about it.  It’s like seeing a loved one for the last time and not saying ‘I love you’.  Its thinking ‘heck this won’t matter; not this once’ and never waking up from a nightmare. 

People talk about forgiveness and damnation.  They talk about things like they are the most straightforward things on the planet, but no one ever accounts for life.  This isn’t some tell all story (like I’d post that on a blog) it just what do you do when there is no one to talk to and nothing to do about the thought roaming your brain (now that’s something you can post on a blog).    I have been told by many people that there are less than savory things about me and that I am destined for a less than pleasant place.  The interesting thing is that I have been told this by people who are known as my friends and some that I swear I have never seen before in my life.  Now this is not truly my point but more of an example.  My point is where do we get these ideas from?  Where do we get our thoughts of right and wrong?  

People will tell me that it is a cultural construct, or that we are taught things by our parents.  This accounts for some of the things we think and feel but not everything.  For example, my sister and I grew up in the same community and were raised by the same parents, but our ideas about the world are very different (if you read this sis I mean nothing bad by it just sayin’ we are different ;-). 

Another question is why do we have to justify ourselves and to whom?  To me (personal opinion here, thus why I say ‘to me’ you can think whatever you want) the person I have to most justify myself to is… well me.  My friends my family yeah that’s all good but I am the one that has to live with myself and my actions (now if some people in the world would just learn the living with your own actions part).  So why should I have to justify the way that I am to people who couldn’t pick me out of a line up (as long as I hadn’t dyed my hair a crazy color :-/ )?  This is something about my culture that I cannot understand.  Why should I have to dress, act, look, feel, think, and just become what random people think I should?  Why should I be shunned or damned by their thoughts, and why should I give a damn?  Like I said this isn’t a complaining post it is more of a just wondering.  Some people seem to think that these things are everything, and I want to know why. 

It’s kinda funny really.  I stated asking my mom and dad why when I was little and at almost 25 I am still doing the same thing.  Honestly I think I will keep doing that until the day I die, and maybe after we’ll just have to see about at whole afterlife thing later :-P